For semi-daily rants and up-to-date wisdom, see my blog: What the Hell Happened?!

There's nothing quite like composing personal essays. Nothing. And for your entertainment, if you choose to accept them, are some such essays listed below to read through and potentially discuss at length with significant others, fellow employees, and spiritual leaders.

Hailstorms, Acne, and Dusty Department Stores: The prequel to "Sick Building Syndrome" in which I describe in loving detail the lameness of my employment experiences during my youth and beyond. Required reading for your lazy offspring.

Sick Building Syndrome: The sad saga of my employment after college. Prepare for a litany of bad career choices and venting about capitalistic greed.

The Worst Job I Never Had: This story pretty much sums up why I never answer classified ads anymore, and is perfectly suitable reading for the bitter and unemployed.

Cheese, Tomatoes, and Fish: A commentary about my sensitive taste buds, recently updated to make it less smart-ass and embarrassing.

The Pityriasis Rosea Blues: A gripping yarn about the little red spots that could.

The First Time I Got Faced: My entrance into the realm of recreational alcohol consumption wasn't exactly smooth and painless. This bedtime story, perfect for children suffering from chronic nightmares, reveals the nitty-gritty details.

Dusting Off the Apple II+: A pompous retrospective about two guys named Steve who nearly destroyed my childhood.

Nick's Violent Decapitation: I came across this recovered memory and felt the urgent need to vent. Please do not read this unless in the company of an adult.

The Shift Shaft: There's really not much I can say to preface this tale except that when I have car problems, I really have car problems.

Marathon Man: A set of photos and some words regarding my Sisyphean trek to work every day.

I Once Threw Up on Stage: True story.

..check back in the distant future for more, you goddamn glutton.